Giving our body sexually is the most sacred thing we can do with another person. The body is indeed a temple in which the divine itself is present – as us. Sex can be an act of worship, which, if hearts are open and souls align, can bring about the most spectacular ecstasies and insights.
Meeting a gay guy, early 50s, former muscle boy scene star, we reflect on the changing times in gay life, remember the danger years, the tears …. the fear, but also the compassion, of that time, and wonder why it seems that many gay men become so shallow, so cold hearted in the pursuit of pleasure, chasing around the city from flat to flat, using each others drugs, using each other, and shooting off to the next encounter. Has there been a mass relinquishing of romance, has our secret brotherhood become an insane playground where more hours are spent dealing with drug casualties and flip outs than actually having sex. Why are men getting high first then seeking to have sex? Why do they not get that sex gets you high, that sex should come first… .when the connection works the sex can be electric, with or without chemical enhancement.
I tell this guy about my faerie activities and he confesses to being a bit of a hippy himself. I had already spotted the blue ganesha and weeping buddha in his flat. “At heart all I want is for people to love each other and make a peaceful world” he says and I know the magic child in him is still alive. Isn’t that what we all were, boys? Gentle faerie children born with an aptitude for peacemaking and lovemaking. We play life’s games, walk the roads of adulthood, but we can still be that pure self, whatever our choices regarding sex and pleasure, although it’s getting harder in an age of instant sex dates through mobile apps, porn overload and chemicals in our bedrooms.
Gay men have proven to be ideal participants in the consumer culture. The pink pound is chased by many companies. When we form a couple – double income, no kids – we are the marketing men’s dream. But big gaping holes are appearing in the capitalist dream – greed for constant economic expansion is costing the earth, literally, as climate change and environmental damage cause irreparable losses; the rich continue to get richer while others become more downtrodden; and the ethos of consumerism may well be changing the very nature of society, of how we relate to each other as individuals – no longer as souls to be cherished and honoured, but flesh and bone to be used, consumed and thrown away. Gay men are often exploring trends and territories that mainstream society catches up with – if we are treating each other like valueless commodities, just taking what we want from each other and ignoring or discarding the rest, the world should be very concerned, because everyone else will soon follow suit.
When I spend sensual time with a man, someone I know or a complete stranger, I am conscious that this is a soul in front of me, with whom I can merge into oneness, bringing us to heightened states of feeling and awareness. Knowing that, quick and empty sex becomes uninteresting, and very unsatisfying. Connection becomes the key to a good time, gratitude to this person for sharing their physicality with me and unconditional love for another soul gets me high. Then post climax, there are often fine words, happy feelings, creative energy to be channelled into the material plane. Sex opens our spirits, it brings in light energy as well as making us feel good. It brings connection. It is so holy. Gay men who don’t get this are massively in denial, leaving their magical inner child self to flounder in an ocean of confusion, where only sex, drugs and taking a fix from each other can ever relieve the pain of separation from the soul. Irony is of course that sex and drugs take us right into soul energies, but it’s our minds that have to choose to go there too to get the benefit.
Extremes of passionate excess can be the door to wisdom but we have to open it and walk through.