Paganism Brought Me Home

August 2000 at the third Queer Pagan Camp in the rolling fields of Dorset, UK, my five year AIDS trial of shadow and light, of spiritual renewal, physical collapse and resurrection came to its culmination point. At a peak moment of communion a gap in the sky opened for me, loving voices came through reassuring me that here in Britain, in the nature and with the people of the land I was born into, lay my path: my confusion about how to re-enter and engage with the world post AIDS, where to direct my energy having experienced such a profound transformation of my being – having come to know the eternal part of my soul, to regard myself as a spirit visiting the Earth – was cast away. In the magic circle with fellow queer witches, druids, shamans, faerie workers, in the arms of the elements, ancestors and the goddess, I felt a divine wellness and wholeness sweep through my being, I felt my spirit expand in joy from deep in the earth to the sun and the moon. The desperately sick years were behind me, the mental anguish about facing life again, having become so comfortable with the idea of death, fell away in that Dorset field.

Five years earlier in 1995 I had made a profound shift in my mind, which led me into a total inner transformation, by dropping the atheism I had adopted – or I might say I believe I had been brainwashed into – by the age of 12. Impending death can focus the mind like that, and five years since my HIV+ diagnosis, I wanted some answers as to why I existed in the first place. So, being a rationally minded graduate in history from Cambridge University, I applied some logical thought to this situation, and started to study. It dawned on me that the question of the ‘meaning of life’ had been humanity’s obsession for thousands of years, but somehow the education I had received and the culture I had been exposed to, had not encouraged me to think about this, quite the opposite – growing up in the 1970s, the backlash against the hippy culture was a big influence on me, religion was in decline and materialist science was the new god.

The search for my true self did in fact start in my early 20s when I came out of the sexuality closet, but it took the crisis of HIV/AIDS to push me to take that search deeper. Once I realised just how much effort humanity had put into this already, I approached the question as a historian – reading source materials, studying mystical teachings from throughout history and from across the world. The idea of just approaching the mystery of our existence through only one religious or spiritual path seemed illogical as we came to the turn of the millennium when for the first time in history all of humanity’s explorations of the spiritual are accessible to us and so the opportunity is there for an intelligent modern human seeking answers to obtain a broader view and understanding, if they put the effort in.

This was not a simply intellectual exercise of course. This was practical too. I learnt about the different forms of meditation – passive, dynamic, visualisation, mantra… I caught onto the idea that to know the divine reality we need knowledge, but also experience – so I practised creating ritual spaces, learning to open my heart as well as my mind to the spirit through devotional practice. Inner guides appeared and led me on totally unexpected, exciting pathways of discovery through my own imagination. At a time when I was expecting to be sad about impending death, I found myself on the most exhilarating soul journey, unlike anything I had ever known before. Not knowing if there was any chance at all that I might survive AIDS I kept hope in my heart and dived into spiritual practice and study, somehow sensing right away that I was on a five year path, but to death or life at the end I knew not.

My turn around from ‘dying’ to ‘living’ came early 1998. I was part of the Lazarus phenomenon at that time, as skeletal men, often, like me, with leopard like Karposi Sarcoma spots on our bodies, suddenly turned the corner. I had refused to take AZT as I had seen friends who were on it pass away, tried ‘alternative’ therapies and only took medication once the protease inhibitors were available. In ’97 my CD4 count was down to 3, in June I was hospitalised with PCP, but responded to treatment and spent most of the year home in my cosy south London flat with my French partner, we each taking care of each other through various states of sickness. The love between us kept us alive, of that I am quite sure.

Excited at the prospect of survival, by the end of 1998 I was riding high on my first attempts to combine my new inner magical discoveries with other people. There was a gay spiritual event in London called Connections, at which I met an American called Carl Shapley who was a channel for the Ascended Masters. I shared my story with him and we spent a lot of time together, he seeing me as a servant of the Divine Mother, as a person who had awoken to his purpose on this planet through a classic shamanic death-rebirth ordeal, and a sign that many more magical folk would soon be waking up too – especially amongst the LGBT community.

With Carl I took part in a few ceremonies around London, including a night where we opened cosmic gates at Piccadilly Circus. He took me to a meeting at the House of Lords, for even there at that time a buzz around spiritual change was in the air, and, along with places like the UN, these were the kind of circles Carl was working in to bring light.

It was walking home along the Thames from that meeting at Parliament that a sense of enormity at the challenge of re-entering the world as a mystical channel hit me hard, and that night back at my flat I experienced a complete overwhelm in the form of a loss of individuality, a merging into a non-physical reality that terrified me. I felt myself on the knife edge between life and death, felt my physical survival was far from assured. I went through an internal mental collapse, and had to spend the next few months lying mostly in a darkened room, slowly putting myself back together.

Most of 1999 for me was a time of nervous anxiety as I tentatively met the world again. That summer saw my first time at Queer Pagan Camp, and the effect of meeting experienced gay, lesbian bi and trans pagans was utterly inspiring. My study of the religious paths to the divine had left me challenged by questions around sexuality as I returned to life. But here were happy, spiritual queers who embraced sex and all life’s pleasures with passion. I learned the Goddess creed “All Acts of Love and Pleasure are My Rituals” and I took it to heart. My internal opening to the spirit realms had brought me first to the presence of the Divine Mother and her angels -at that time I had no idea of the rich and ancient, global, history of queer people as servants to the Goddess, but in that Dorset field over the next few summers I was to get many direct and powerful experiences of what it actually means to be that, and how queer people reclaiming our natural spirituality, which religions have spent so many centuries suppressing, is a crucial part of the global shift in consciousness that humanity is undergoing.

In 2000 I made two pilgrimages, the first to the ashram of the Mother of Immortal Bliss, Mata Amritanandamayi, also known as Amma the Hugging Mother, in Kerala, and the second back to the English fields with the Queer Pagans. At the ashram I received powerful healing, and being in the company of other spiritual seekers was incredibly affirming. I came back to the UK feeling much stronger and more confident, but before I left India, a few days in the stunning nature and free spirited atmosphere of the Goa beaches brought me even more sense of belonging and ‘home’ than had the ashram. Then a few months later at the Dorset Camp I found that HOME in the English countryside amongst the most inspiring, talented, unique and magical queers I had ever met.

I have spent the last 20 years seeking to meet other queers on their own path of self-discovery and awakening, joining the global Radical Faerie community, where in sanctuaries and gatherings we reclaim the sacred power inherent in queerness, explore our gifts as healers, transformational artists, midwives to the dying, walkers between the worlds. In London I set up the Queer Spirit Circle in 2005 with a lesbian friend named Anna, offering the space as a meeting point for queers of any spiritual persuasion, which continues 15 years later as a Full Moon Drum Circle, a non-commercial event where sometimes up to 100 people gather for spiritual and social interaction. The rapid growth of the network in the UK led to the birth of Queer Spirit Festival in 2016 – five day camping festival of queer magic, the third of which took place in 2019.

I have also spent the last 2 decades living my life in tune with the planet’s natural cycles and with ever growing understanding of the interplay between the cosmic forces of the solar system and our human experience. Paganism gives us the tools to live in a state of self-acceptance and harmony – the four elements give us a map of the human being that is expansive and health-giving, helping us to engage all the parts of our nature (physical, mental, emotional, spiritual) as equally important; the solstices and equinoxes are natural planetary turning points that occur within our bodies and minds also; the zodiac year maps out the journey of the soul in symbolic language (showing us the way home); the moon guides and influences our emotional fields all the time. By giving these aspects of life our attention, eg by making ceremony to align ourselves with the divine rhythms of existence such as full moons etc, we bring our personal energy fields into harmony and alignment with life itself.

When faced with death I turned to the world’s great religions for answers to the meaning of life. I found that at their core they all said the same thing, about the unity of consciousness, how its nature is love, that it emerges through nature and becomes us. But religion in the world was not teaching these things, not spreading this simple divine perspective, certainly not living up to it. Eastern religions taught me much, particularly the complex and fascinating philosophies of Hinduism – which, we had been told at school, is a ‘pagan’ faith, where many gods are worshipped just as the old ‘primitive, foolish, ignorant’ people of Europe had once done before the arrival of glorious Christianity – what a lot of lies we were told back in those Religious Education lessons. Pagans were mocked for worshipping the Sun and Moon, rocks and trees, and I’m not sure the fact that paganism was reviving in the UK rapidly since the 1950s was mentioned.

When, during my AIDS study years I discovered the glorious, universal light contained in Hinduism I figured out that our own European paganism must come from the same ancient source, contain the same wisdom and joy (features that seemed so lacking in the patriarchal monotheistic religions), and when I got to meet Queer Pagans and as I have celebrated with Radical Faeries I have found this to be true. As I have walked the Wheel of the Year and found a relationship with the spirit of the land in which I began this lifetime, I find that Celtic paganism gives the tools to create our own lives as a well-rounded, love filled, adventure – plus the tools to heal ourselves from the wounds we have gained and the belief in separation we have had to endure in a world that is in a serious, soul-numbing state of mental madness.

Once the whole world was ‘pagan’. The word implies attunement to nature and the planetary cycles, a recognition that we are part of those too, not separate from or above them. Pagan reminds us we know within ourselves how to talk and commune with trees, plants, animals and ancestors, that deities are there to reflect to us and help us discover the divine power in ourselves, that divinity is feminine and non-binary as well as masculine, and that the body is holy, with pleasure its natural way to worship existence itself. Religion taught me a lot about humanity’s long search for Self but Paganism is about embracing, being and manifesting that Self, about becoming an individualised, independent, self-actualised divine entity within the greater whole, not better than any part of it in any way, but simply and perfectly, eternally AT HOME in it.

Pleasure is A Goddess

I remember Religious Education lessons at my school during the late 1970s in which indigenous pagan traditions of old Europe and the rest of the world were mocked for their primitive worship of the Sun and Moon. Our teacher was a Christian, and although I recall him giving a reasonable introduction to the great religions of the East, nature based faiths, we were firmly told, were superstitious nonsense.

Since I have become aware of the rich spiritual culture and inner growth that paganism offers, I’ve wondered whether that teacher, Dr Surin, really had so little understanding of nature spirituality or his attitude was a conscious ploy to direct the development of our 13 year old minds.

As long ago as 1851 American archaeologist and historian E.G. Squier wrote in ‘The Serpent Symbol’ that the active and passive principles of nature, –

“symbolised by the sun and the moon, or the sun and the earth, was recognised in the mythological systems of America”.

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Those religion lessons skimmed over paganism in less than one session, and no wonder, for there was a crucial central feature to nature based spiritual paths the world over that the teacher did not want to mention – the centrality of pleasure, the inclusion of sex in pagan ritual worship and their regard of the genital organs as holy. This was surely a very conscious decision to hide all this, for British paganism was back in the open by this time, and far back in the 19th century historian H. H, Bancroft, in the Native Races of the Pacific States of North America (1874), had understood that, –

“the life-giving and vivifying principle of nature has been always symbolised by the human organs of generation”.

Traditional faiths were mocked by my religious teacher as ‘fertility religions’. We were told the stupid people used to make ceremony to ask the gods to bless the crops, and that was about it. But back in the 1940s George Ryley Scott was already pointing out (in ‘Phallic Worship: A History of Sex and Sexual Rites’) that the pagans were also honouring pleasure itself, for they regarded sexual ecstasy as a state of communion with the gods. And for this reason the phallus was an almost universal holy symbol across the world. Where the patriarchal phalli did not completely subjugate the feminine the vulva was honoured equally.

From Roman times the Christians began to call the sacred sex workers who had operated for millennia in the temples of antiquity (throughout Middle East and Asia) ‘prostitutes’. But George Ryley Scott pointed out that, –

“It is important to note that these temple prostitutes… were not looked upon with disgust… They were “brides of God” or “slaves of the idol” and were accorded a degree of respect far in advance of anything given to the ordinary female member of society. It was considered to be an honour to serve the gods in this way.”

In the 1970s feminist and gay historians such as Merlin Stone (‘When God Was a Woman’) and Arthur Evans (‘Witchcraft and the Gay Counter-Culture’) were going as far as to call the traditional, ancient faiths ‘sex religions’.

There is a crucial connection between the virulent homophobia that developed in European Christianity and which it then spread around the world in the last 500 years and the destruction of the ancient sex positive cultures. To achieve this, women’s sexual power was turned into something dark by the adoption of the misogynistic Hebrew creation story and the gradual association of the story of Sodom and Gomorrah with gay sex instead of it being about hospitality and the rape of strangers (a process begun by Christian thinker Philo in the 1st century CE). The Christians followed the example of the Hebrew Kings of the period 1000-600 BCE whose efforts to stop the worship of phallic symbols and the sexual temple practices carried out by women and the Qedesha (meaning the ‘Holy Ones’, the word was translated into English as ‘sodomites’) had been only partially successful. From the 4th century onwards pagan statues, temples, sacred groves were all attacked by Christians, again following the instructions of the Old Testament Yahweh (such as Exodus 22:20 “He that sacrificeth to any God, save unto the Lord only, he shall be utterly destroyed”), backed up by juicy lines from the New such as Luke 10:19 “Behold I give you power to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy”.

The religions of the Father God caused a separation of the spirit and the flesh, and over the centuries of the Middle Ages destroyed rival Christian groups that accepted sexuality, that gave power to women, that refused the authority of the established Church. By the Early Modern era the repression of gay sex in Europe, was being taken up by the political lawmakers as well as the Catholic Inquisition. Europeans were utterly shocked by the open expression of sexuality they found on their world explorations. On every other continent they came across people who had no shame about sex, who had not thought of the concept of obscenity, and they found sexual rites of worship, same sex couples, transgendered souls held in high regard, and sacred phallic imagery, all of which they set about doing their very best to destroy.

George Catlin wrote about the Sioux Buffalo Dance in 1867, recording the climax when O-ke-hee-de (owl spirit) came into the scene: “In his hands he carried a sort of wand – a slender rod of eight feet in length, with a red ball at the end of it, which he slid about upon the ground as he ran”. Professor Gerard Troost of Tennessee wrote of a statue of a priapic kneeling man (he switched to Latin in his work to describe the ‘membrum generationis virile in erectione‘) that was ‘considered too indelicate to be preserved’. Phallic imagery was common throughout the Americas, and in Africa and Asia too, as it had once been in pagan Europe (as the modern world realised with shock when the ruins at Pompeii were revealed). For example, 19th century British explorer Richard Burton wrote that phallic worship in Dahomey, west Africa, “is uncomfortably prominent; every street from Whydah to the capital is adorned with the symbol.”

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The cultures of Asia show many examples of phallic worship…..

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In the western world the 1960s brought the ‘Sexual Revolution’ at the same time as an explosion of interest in all things mystical and occult. The still prudish atmosphere of the mainstream at the time, plus the materialist backlash against spirituality that has been raging since the 1980s, has prevented as yet a proper reunion of the sexual and spiritual sides of our humanity. When it comes to sex, we as a species are still learning about the basics of respect, equality and consent, and maybe we have to get these properly in place before we can truly embark on the pagan, tantric, embrace of life in all its pleasure giving glory, before we can access all the potential of the life-giving, pleasure-giving sexual organs, symbols and tools of the divine creation, and of the divine creative presence within us.

Pleasure is a Goddess

The Ancients knew

Pleasure dissolves the boundaries

Between Me and You.

WE ARE THE OLD ONES

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Human beings how lucky we are

to be on this earth around this star

in a solar system divinely designed to keep us blind

to the rest of the cosmos and life on other worlds –

until we are ready to accept what’s there to find;

designed to keep us blind, as we evolve the human mind

beyond conflict to a place compassionate and kind,

and weave a planetary story that prepares us to take our place

in the universal family as the Divine Human Race.

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Long ago there were humans who saw through it all

felt the Presence of Spirit and answered its call;

mind was uncluttered, there had been no Fall:

but the darkness was coming, they knew memories would fail

so they built great stone monuments that would ever prevail,

that would withstand the Elements, the storms and the gales

and keep their Great Secrets, their Holy Grail

until a time in the future when the Old Ways would once again rise –

after centuries in which magic had been ridiculed, her practitioners despised –

the Old Ways returning, the Great Wheel moving on,

a brand new humanity, singing new songs.

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Life brings us to CRISIS POINTS

because we are here to HEAL

our wounds of disconnection

from the one thing that’s really real.

Life hits us with emotions

Because we’re here to FEEL

the nice stuff and the tough stuff

to build a powerful psychic field

that can channel higher vibrations

in the service of a RENEWED CREATION.

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Life is sensual, erotic,

with a quiet mind there is little but delight,

body and heart connect us to spirit

but the mind can trap us in fright, fight and flight.

The Human Soul seeks to know

its greatest reach, its brightest show,

to soar through the Universe

and know itself at home on the Earth

to feel its Freedom and realise its Bliss –

to dance in Love and know the Spirit’s kiss.

Pleasure is a Goddess, the Ancients Knew

Pleasure dissolves the boundaries between Me and You.

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Once the Peoples of Europe danced with Dionysus

Saw Love as a Goddess and Pleasure as her Worship

Knew that mysteries of Sex, Gender and Intoxication

were routes to Holy Transcendence, Ecstasy, Elation.

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The Peoples of Europe once spoke with the Trees

Danced and Made Love in Sacred Groves.

The Armies of the Cross destroyed all these

and nowadays few people know

the Dryads, the Sprites of Water and Fire

the Spirits in the Breeze.

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The People in Europe once danced around Fires

Communed, told stories and saw pictures in the flames:

This healed Souls and brought Wonderment, Joy and Grace

Brought touch with the deep nature of the Human Race.

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The Peoples of Europe once built Stone Circles

Aligned to the Stars and the Sun,

They honoured the Old Ones and danced with Faerie

and this Journey we’re still on was begun.

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The Old People of Europe danced with the Goddess

calling her Diana, Aphrodite, Venus, Danu, Sulis, Cybele, Freya, Frigga…

Her Temples were Ancient and Holy

but the Christians named her the Devil

and attempted to wipe out Her worship and memory

by murdering her priestesses, desecrating her holy places

and burning heretics, sodomites and witches.

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The Old People of Europe were Nature folk

In Nature which they met Divine Presence

But the Swords of the Cross came to impose another way

The Goddess retreated:

She permitted their wars, their corrupt ways

Permitted separation from Her bosom

Until the human journey to Selfhood is completed

until the final days of HISstory

and the Triumphant Coming of Hers.

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We ARE the OLD ONES, We never went away

As we remember the soul’s truth, we reconnect to the Way

The Cycles of Eternity are bringing us Home

To a World full of Wonder and Light

We each have within us the Power and the Glory

We can bring this world out of its long dark night.

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The Seven Headed Beast

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Ever growing numbers of people in the world are understanding and feeling that life is a unity:

a cosmic dance of matter, mind, emotion and spirit,a journey of the soul with divinity the goal…

...but they don’t work in the governments and they don’t work in the media, they don’t work in business… and they rarely show up in churches… they don’t show their heads in academia or the law and there’s no sign of them in the military … 

no wonder our modern world is ever so poor in wisdom, equality and peace for the system in which we operate is a seven headed, rapacious, violent beast

– destroying the earth – as it has destroyed so many of her creatures, pillaged and ravaged her cultures, a 7 headed beast whose reign of terror will one day cease. 

Rising from the core of who we are, the innate presence of oneness, wonder and bliss, the knowledge that life is a journey to Self, to the Love within that is our true wealth.

Acknowledging difference -it’s through diversity we realise unity -hearing the call across the world to healing and community.

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COVID 19:

When we realise it’s not simply a virus, not spread through drops in the air, but a manifestation of our collective longing to come home to Who We Really Are, of the longing in our souls for us to evolve beyond confusion, separation and despair….

What a joyful celebration that will be, Crown chakras opened to let in Infinity, Life and death united as two sides of one coin, and the whole world coming to see

That I Am Another You And You Are Another Me

Summer Solstice 2020

pic by Loveable

In our hearts, the peoples of Europe are pagans. Our native culture was formed after the end of the Ice Ages during what is known as the Neolithic (New Stone) Age and the Bronze Age, a period of several thousand years years. Our most ancient sacred sites are elaborate tombs and stone circles, some older than the pyramids of Egypt, and found especially in Ireland and the British Isles, showing that the spirituality of our ancestors honoured the dead and nature’s seasonal cycles.

The Iron Age brought a time of scarcity and conflict in Britain as the population grew and resources dwindled, which made it perhaps easy for the Roman Empire to invade and take over….though only as far as Hadrian’s Wall, the Picts of the north were unconquerable. Romans were known for absorbing local deities and religious festivals into their own pagan worldview, but the Druids of Britain were an exceptionally stubborn bunch. Resistance to Roman rule included the burning down of both Colchester and London by Iceni queen Boudicca, while the Roman army was engaged fighting the druids in their last outpost, Anglesea.

The retreat of the Roman Empire and the arrival of Christianity saw, at least at times, a continuing tradition of the ancient Celtic faith blending to some extent with Christianity, as evidenced by Celtic crosses which combined both the crucifix and the circle. The conversion of European leaders to Christianity was a gradual process that took several centuries, and of the populace took even longer. The Church and State worked hand in hand to build churches and cathedrals in the Middle Ages, and to destroy the last vestiges of pagan practice through the Inquisition and the witch trials. Yet even so, in the 17th century a Maypole of over 100 feet height still stood in a prominent location near the Thames, and was restored as a sign of British sovereign spirit at the Restoration of the Monarch in 1688. The natural pagan magic of Summer Solstice has never been forgotten throughout the centuries of Christian domination, as Shakespeare assured us in A Midsummers Night’s Dream.

The Witchcraft Act brought in by Henry VIII and his successors forced pagan practices underground. They survived in secret family traditions and occultist societies, before coming out of the closet when the Act was repealed in the mid 20th century. This has led to the spread of Wicca around the world, a formulation of pagan witchcraft created in the UK, and the dawning realisation that the white man, the european, also once had an indigenous shamanic culture that was about reverence of nature, of the dead and the cosmic cycles, that honoured the body and sexuality and ecstatic states of reverence and reverie – just like every other race on the planet once had, until the monotheistic religions spread their ‘love’ by killing those who would not convert to it. And who did they focus their hatred on in order to destroy the power of the pagan faiths?

THE QUEERS!

Among their victims were the genderqueer Gallae priesthood of Cybele, Great Mother of the Roman Empire with roots going back to at least 6000 BCE, the lesbian priestesses and eunuchs of the temples of Artemis/Diana and Isis/Ishtar, the sex-positive gnostic, heretical and free spirit groups of the Middle Ages (that also gave equal power to women as men), the wise women and fairy men of the countryside, the two-spirit shamans of the American continent (whom the Europeans called berdache, a French word for a bottom or ‘kept boy’), and their kin on all other continents. The Christian Europeans were so successful at eradicating the ancient profound associations between gender-fluidity, same-sex love and the sacred realms, that the modern gay movement has very little idea about this rich and illustrious past that exists in our ancestry. Until this is known and understood, the sometimes frightening position of trans and all queer people in this world will is unlikely to improve. But Summer Solstice opens the season of GAY PRIDE, through which, across the globe, queer visibility and presence has soared over the past few decades. And in certain places, unseen by most, our ancient connections to the spirit worlds are gradually being reclaimed also. The merging of queer and pagan spirit brings an acceleration of human consciousness, opens the portals to awakening – for all: because, from the Qedesha of ancient Canaan to the Quimbanda and Bori-Bori of Africa and the Mahu of Polynesia, TRANS AND GAY/QUEER PEOPLE – ie those who embody masculine and feminine spirit strongly in their one being – this is what we have always done.

This SUMMER SOLSTICE 2020 coincides with the NEW MOON IN CANCER and a SOLAR ECLIPSE, which happens on a 19 year cycle, last time in 2001. Due to PANDEMIC CONDITIONS people are not welcome at STONEHENGE this year – instead there is a LIVESTREAM broadcast available online – for the first time in the history of the planet the ancient stone spirits of the Henge are speaking to the whole world!

2020 is bringing so much change. So many assumptions about our culture, history and destiny are beginning to fall, to transform. This includes our collective understanding of spirituality, of who we are, living as humans on planet earth.

As we do this, we in Europe and across most of the world might reflect on the fact that Christianity is an invader, an interloper from another land – but one that came with a divine purpose. What that purpose was is HISTORY. It, like Judaism and Islam, came to bring something that is ultimately intended to form a harmony with the natural ancient shamanic wisdom of the planet.

As more and more of us get in touch with our core pagan hearts and spirits, we re-enter the magic of connection, of being part of the dance with all other beings in Creation, instead of vaguely terrified souls, bouncing between the promises/threats of religion and the nihilism of scientific materialism. As we do this we influence the vibrations in the spaces we inhabit, our homes become sanctuaries of love, peace and healing comfort, our communities become sources of immense love and support. Pagan practice heals our wounds of disconnection, isolation and fear. We have to practice both alone and with others to get the full healing effect. Summer Solstice 2020 is a huge turning point on dear beloved planet Earth. Sun and moon aligned at zero degrees Cancer, the sign of the Mother, of the home and of love – the great Goddess is re-entering the playing field of life, change is here. LOVE IS COMING.

Eclipse Season Summer 2020

We approach the Priest’s Moon Eclipse

New energies emerging:

May life’s disparate impulses

be at last converging …

Across many lands minds turn together

committed to truth, light and love –

peace is the prayer we sing deep inside

as we the world rocks and rumbles.

May Union be felt by those who reach foward,

who desire love, to heal wounds and to have peace in the heart

as across the globe sweeps a compassionate love vibration

let’s offer the spirit a salutation:

May our Mother spirit be healed

the Worlds become one

Revealed what was concealed

A new world begun

in the unquestioning, unconditional embrace

of the One Great Soul.

Lightwork in Dark Times

Being a Lightworker in Dark Times on planet Earth involves recognising that….

All life, in particular humanity as a whole, is now working, melding and moving into a space where a deep love, harmony and purpose await….

“So instead of feeling lost, abandoned or forgotten, you can recognise that your are part of a large cosmic family which is now in a position to serenade and support you…

This … is about remembering. Remembering who you are. Remembering the informational circuits you can use to and being aware of the capacity love has to change everything. And to specifically recognise that fear is artificial and has to be transmuted in its totality…

From A Handbook For Lightworkers, by David Cousins, 1993

Lightwork is not simply about connecting to external frequencies and entities, it is also about bringing oneself home to self-awareness, love and harmony in ourselves – as humanity transitions out of the old paradigm of division and conflict into a greater understanding of our unified spiritual nature, lightwork, everyone has the chance to feed and accelerate the change. As the book says, lightwork is “a supporting mechanism to go over the abyss of doubt, fear and despair.”

I found these quotes and meditations recorded in my personal journal from 1999, when the acceleration of frequencies I experienced as I started my recovery from AIDS left me reeling – as my life changed I was simultaneously excited and terrified of the future, plus chased by shadows of the recent dark past. I found these meditations very helpful, and still do….

KEY MEDITATIONS

  1. SLOWING THE VIBRATIONS IN THE BODY AND MIND Sit with back in straight physical alignment, focus on breathing in and out in steady rhythm. Focus on and visualise the base chakra, for some minutes, try a count of 20-30 breaths, for example. Do this first before the other meditations.
  2. DRAWING IN LIGHT Visualise light coming into the body through the top of the head, the crown chakra, then slowly focus on each chakra through the body, visualising the light entering.
  3. ROOTING Visualise roots from your feet going down into the planet, feel the planet’s response. Feel down into the earth and into underground water sources. See colour energies coming up through the roots into your body.
  4. LIGHT AND ROOTS

Draw up life energy from Earth and draw in light energy from sky through base and crown chakras, meeting in the heart.

5. BLACK LIGHT HEALING MEDITATION

To transmute, release and clear unwanted, old, slow frequency energy from inner and outer auric fields. Visualise BLACK – the colour health, power, potential and harmony. Complete meditations 1 to 4, then draw up healing black energy from the earth, let it flow up your legs and into the body. See your pains and problems as ice cubes, let the black healing energy wash over them and melt them. Draw up more energy with each in breath and see it pouring out of you through the pores of your skin. Now bring in white light too, from the sky, let it flood through your entire being.

Repeat the sequence of raising up black, see it absorb the pain and negativity, then receiving down white energy three times.

This is recommended as ongoing cleansing practice, and can be especially effective undertaken last thing before sleep at night.

Core Beliefs

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The mental attitudes and beliefs we have in place in the mind frame and colour our experience of life, and in fact are calling those experiences to us.  This is what the Law of Attraction is all about – our mental energies emit frequencies which draw similar frequencies to them, good or bad, simply based on what we are putting our deep thought and faith into.

Therefore every now and again it pays dividends to look at the core beliefs we have running in our subconscious minds.  If we don’t do this we risk ‘old programmes’ running the show of our lives today.  Especially during times of rapid change in life circumstances, or big shifts in our emotional lives, it is a good time to go within and check that we have positive core beliefs operating that support our well being and are calling good experiences into our lives.

The future is not written.  However, our imagination is often busy writing it rather than experiencing the current moment.  This is, I suggest, usually caused by an emotional reaction to a notion of something in the future arising in our stream of thought, a reaction which is actually a suppressed emotion from the past trying to make itself known by preventing us experiencing the present.  If we imagine our happiness lies in the future we are denying the possibility of it existing here and how, and also setting ourselves up for a fall if that future arrives but doesn’t deliver what we expected.  But when we imagine a dark future of trouble, issues and angst we are being influenced by something in our past that we haven’t healed yet – we can remind ourselves when we spot this happening that the future is not written, is in fact ours to create – that in fact we are invoking a future all the time through our mental and emotional bodies – so envisioning dark futures is not a great idea (such thoughts also produce immediate chemical and emotional reactions in our bodies as if the dark thing were happening right now) – but of course often it can be hard not to imagine a dark future because we tend to base our assumptions about what is to come on our experience of the past.  We tend to believe this pattern –

EXPERIENCE – CONCEIVE – CREATE

but the universe is running on this pattern, that, when engaged consciously, will bring us what we actually want in life:

CONCEIVE – CREATE -EXPERIENCE

Ie to change an experience that you do not want or like, change the belief that conjured it into being, choose a different thoughtform that will lead you towards what you do want.   The fullest explanation of this  can be found in the series of Conversations with God books by Neale Donald Walsch.

We can surrender all our thoughts, fears and expectations about the future, release them from our energy field – perhaps to the Dark Goddess or the Void or our deity of choice –  simply refuse to believe in them – and please note we do not need to judge them for existing, they are what they are, but we do not have to listen to them nor hold on to them.  We can accept that the future is in the hand of the Universe, of the Divine, of Creation… and it works wonders to also believe that the Universe/Divine/Creation is poised at every moment to move into alignment on the many levels of Being that exist, to bring you into a state of bliss filled connection with yourself, with the people around you, with nature – BECAUSE IN FACT IT IS!  The cosmic consciousness is always on the verge of union, or shifting like night and day in and out of unity – we humans are the meeting points of the maya/illusion of separation/suffering with the yoga/union of joyful, playful. loving oneness.  In our minds we create pathways to unity or crisis, all the time – the law of attraction is always in play, trying to manifest the vibrations emanating from our mental frequencies, and the emotionally charged beliefs we put behind them. 

Once we realise we may be creating potential unhappiness in our own future, simply by imagining it there, and get that we actually have some power over that – then it is time to practise the art of surrender to the higher self.  The higher self  can absolutely handle the future, maybe even has it planned out already – the higher self (perhaps approached through a deity) is always creating pathways to a future of unity, love and concord.  We can give all our hopes, fears, dreams about the future to the higher self – yes tell it what you DO want, be clear on the positives, but then stop thinking about them and live in the now and at the same time surrender to it, and invite it to transform, every single dark thought that arises in the imagination about the future.  There is really no need to hold anything about the future in the emotional field except hope, faith and trust!

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For all of us born in the 20th century it’s likely we were indoctrinated from birth into believing in ourselves as separate beings, told that our self-awareness that is the product of our physical form, whose thoughts are powerless, but who have to compete and struggle to make our way in the world.  It’s fairly unlikely we grow into adulthood believing and feeling we are held, from the inside, by the all-loving, generous source of creation, who gives their own precious, divine gift of self awareness to us, that we might evolve into divinely conscious beings in our own right. This is not what we generally were told, except in some religious versions, sometimes very twisted ones. 

Good religion exists too of course, and during the 20th century there have been many teachers and prophets both within and outside established faiths who have brought forth the wisdom of unity and love.  The established forces of governments, academia, global corporations, finance – the military-industrial complex that runs the world at the moment holds on tightly to a materialistic paradigm that serves it well, but does not serve the planet nor her inhabitants, that does not connect us to the All-Being.

The Core Beliefs that have infected the world with viral poison and are holding back the evolution of our species are

THAT WE ARE ALL SEPARATE BEINGS

THAT THE BODY AND SEXUALITY ARE ANYTHING LESS THAN DIVINE COSMIC VEHICLES FOR OUR CONSCIOUSNESS

THAT ALL FORMS OF LOVE ARE NOT EQUAL

THAT LIFE IS A  RANDOM ACCIDENT IN A HEARTLESS UNIVERSE

As we each individually work out the truth about these things for ourselves – and it seems to me a lot of people have already done so – the collective consciousness shifts and the great institutions that run our lives will either adapt or collapse.

Shifting to or strengthening our own personal core beliefs to an

ACCEPTANCE OF UNITY OF ALL LIFE AND EXISTENCE

THAT THE BODY AND SEXUALITY ARE SACRED

AND SO ARE ALL FORMS OF LOVE

THAT LIFE IS AN ETERNAL JOURNEY, ON WHICH WE ARE DESTINED TO AWAKEN TO COSMIC BLISS

and by making sure that all other beliefs we are permitting in our mind space are in accord with these life-enhancing, light-bringing, core values, we rapidly accelerate our individual contribution to the holistic and healthy evolution of the whole.  We bring wellness into our own lives, as our souls relax and our hearts, minds and spirits expand.

With these core beliefs in place, the future becomes a much less frightening place. 

CORE BELIEFS MATTER.

ENERGY FOLLOWS THOUGHT.

CONCEIVE. CREATE. EXPERIENCE.

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EVERYTHING CHANGES: LIGHTWORK

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EVERYTHING CHANGES

when you ACCEPT you are a Soul not a body

EVERYTHING CHANGES

when the fear inside turns to Love

EVERYTHING CHANGES

when you ATTUNE to the MUSIC of CREATION

the Divine the Singer, the Universe the Stage

and Us the Song.

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Politics, Scandal, Economics and Crime

Keep most of the world asleep most of the time

But compared to two decades ago, many more have awakened

to the MYSTERY, the MAGICAL, the MYSTICAL….

and are finding the natural, sacred flow.

2020 Pandemic brings change and transformation

A portal to life lived in a new vibration:

With the soul at the centre, what’s important redefined,

humanity recalling how to be gentle and kind.

Nature restored as our Divine Mother

The Goddess returns to show the way home.

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Many are finding the WAY, AWAKENING to NEW POSSIBILITIES

yet can so easily get distracted into fantasy or conspiracy

forgetting the goal is simply to REMEMBER

that I AM YOU and YOU ARE ME –

when we reach this knowing, we birth a new humanity

and can build a new world, built on compassion and equality.

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LIGHTWORKERS OF THE WORLD

yes speak to the aliens but don’t expect them to save us

and yes many are already here in disguise –

but hey they too are human this time

and have to master THIS game.

No matter where we’re from

all we really have to do

is to REMEMBER

that YOU ARE ME and I AM YOU.

Look each other in the eye

feel how souls merge with earth and sky

re-unite the worlds through the human form

arrive in the HERE AND NOW

with NATURE in all her GLORY:

it’s we ourselves, not aliens

who will rewrite humanity’s story.

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LIGHTWORKERS OF THE WORLD

no don’t obsess with 5G and vaccines

these things are perhaps indeed not what they seem

for NOR ARE YOU, let it be known,

IT’S TIME TO AWAKEN FROM THE DREAM.

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Humanity is now outgrowing old models mechanical

as it is also outgrowing old religions puritanical.

We are masters of our own fate

It’s all about the FREQUENCY we vibrate.

Engage the high vibration of wonder

  • of the magical child at play in the cosmic universe –

to keep your head above the delusions:

in the 5th dimension there are no enemies

no viral attacks or toxic throwbacks –

the universal field of LOVE

is accessible to all, it answers to your call.

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LIGHTWORKERS OF THE WORLD

remember, that there are many DEATH WORKERS here amongst you too

Some of you here to help passing souls make it back on through

the veils to the spirit dimensions with joy, peace and grace

it’s time to heal the mental fears of the human race.

TELL YOUR FRIENDS THERE IS NO DEATH

SHOW THEM HOW TO REACH HEAVEN WITH RHYTHM AND BREATH.

SHOW THEM IT’S SAFE TO OPEN THEIR MINDS, HEARTS AND INNER VISION

SPREAD THIS WONDER, THIS LIGHT, THIS JOY 

TRULY THIS IS OUR MISSION.

“If you realize that all things change, there is nothing you will try to hold on to. If you are not afraid of dying, there is nothing you cannot achieve.”
― Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

COVID-19 PANDEMIC: Notes from an AIDS Survivor.

Diagnosed HIV+ in 1990, I lived with what we termed ‘full blown’ AIDS from 1995 to ’98, eventually turning the corner when my body responded to the new protease inhibitor drugs. As the COVID-19 Coronavirus pandemic shakes human societies across the planet to the core in Spring 2020, parallels and comparisons with the AIDS years are appearing on the internet. For some of us Long Term Survivors it does feel like we went through a training for the apocalypse, that we were some kind of ‘advance guard’, receiving important lessons in plague survival which can now be shared.

Writer Mark Matousek gets straight to the heart of the lessons we learnt on the AIDS front line in a piece entitled ‘Practice Dying: Waking Up in Perilous Times’:

For the first time in recorded history, human beings around the world are confronting our mortality in real time together, fighting a common adversary that would like to put us all out of business.” He acknowledges the general thrust happening globally to find meaning in this crisis, also the xenophobia; altruism, camaraderie, and gratitude for the smallest things”, but sees greater potential:

The coronavirus has given humankind the chance to “practice dying” (as Socrates described the central mission of all philosophy) together as an endangered species. Besides the threat of personal illness, we have the unique opportunity to share this dread with everyone else we know, who are facing their own mortality. If we can acknowledge the truth of our plight, I believe, and heal ancient rifts in the human family, we have a chance to turn this catastrophe into a major boon for humanity’s future.

I know that this is possible because I’ve lived it. At the height of the AIDS crisis, 30 years ago, I saw how death and dying could enlighten a whole community. For more than a decade, we waited for the guillotine to fall, surrounded by thousands of others on the same chopping block. Terrifying and painful as these years were, they were also the most transformative of my life. Emotional walls collapsed, compassion exploded across social lines, and spiritual values became the norm, as we waited in the shadows of another virus. Sick people took care of sick people. Nobody was completely safe, which brought us even closer together. Love showed up in guises we never expected.“ https://shift.theshiftnetwork.com/practice-dying-waking-up-perilous-times

Mark says that “Without the threat of mortal loss, I would have never had had the conviction — the fuel — to become the person I wanted to be or to find my way through terrible dread to something stronger than my fear.”

This was also my experience – AIDS was an unexpected kind of spiritual grace for me, because through confronting my mortality I discovered parts of my soul that had been previously hidden, and as I recovered from sickness a new, much more engaged, emotionally and spiritually connected new life began for me. I call AIDS my ACCELERATED INDIVIDUAL DISCOVERY OF SELF, and I have often wondered if the unfolding revelation of the soul’s mysteries that I experienced might be at some point coming to the species en masse.

I came out of the AIDS years with a view that a virus has a job to do. My mind opened to the possibility of consciousness as a unified field of experience – with an eventual destination ahead of love-fuelled cosmic oneness in full glory on this planet – and I came to see HIV as an awakener to the fact that we are each individual embodiments of one divine wholeness, and that life and death are two versions of the same experience, just like day and night.

By facing death, losing the fear of it, even befriending it (and beings who live on that side of the veil!), we have the chance to release the potent creative powers in our bodies, minds and souls. So much of our human nature is veiled behind our fears. Love is the antidote that reveals the way. Love for our selves, our partners, friends and family, our tribes and all living things. This is the potential in the human heart – to rise above the conflicts and delusions of the ego, the part of us that believes itself separate from everything else – and form a culture of compassion and self-discovery that celebrates all forms of love, all forms of joyful sexuality, and the ecstatic mystery held within the human body, in nature, in life itself. It is through the heart that we can know directly our sacred oneness with each other and all existence.

In this mystical view, the Coronavirus is part of us and its name gives us a clue to its ultimate goal. The Crown Chakra at the top of our head opens our energy fields up to the spirit, to the multidimensional universe, to the ability of our soul to fly between worlds. Fear blocks access to this light. Surrendering fear and embracing love and trust brings internal connection to the powerful and subtle forces of the universe. We do not need science to tell us if these other dimensions exist or not -we have the perfect instrument, designed by Nature Herself, with which to explore them, our own bodies, minds and emotions.

I replaced god with science and became a self declared atheist at the age of 12, when events at school brought home the shocking revelation that the teachers did not actually believe the religious platitudes they espoused daily in assembly – particularly in relation to death and the afterlife. I had proposed that a way to deal with overpopulation in the world would be to create places where people could choose to go and die when they had had enough of being here – in my innocent mind would simply return happily to heaven. I think even at that age I was aware of old people shut away in care homes, no longer engaging life actively and simply waiting to die. I could not understand why we tried so hard to keep them here in a state of suffering.

The teachers were of course horrified, I was taken aside for a very serious chat! Five decades later western culture faces ongoing crises in care provision for elderly people. Coronavirus erupts around the world and there is great outrage and shock expressed left, right and centre about old people in care homes dying from it – about 50% of the deaths across Europe so far we recently learned.

From where I am standing however this virus is offering souls who have completed their life mission here a chance to get out., so of course it’s finding willing hosts in care homes. Our death-phobic culture will not let people go peacefully with grace at a time of their own choosing, so the ‘Angel of Death’ has to intervene. I’m not saying there is no tragedy, or ‘accidental’ deaths along the way, but the Coronavirus is also delivering grace.

Of course this Angel of Death is doing a lot of things for us – offering us a chance to gain some perspective on our lives, individually and collectively, through this enforced time of quarantine for nearly half of the world’s population – to review how we are living on the planet, reconsider how we are treating her and each other, what we make our priorities. We are going through the most profound collective paradigm shift our species has ever experienced – it is happening quickly, and it is very difficult and challenging. Yet it is exactly what we have been waiting for, and what some of us have even been pre-trained by life to be ready for.

Hank Trout writes on aumag.org, that “We need to remember AIDS lessons learned.”

We elders in the tribe who lived through the entirety of the AIDS pandemic, have learned we need to take care of our own. We know how to do it.” https://aumag.org/

Mark S. King, author of Myfabulousdisease has written of the Coronavirus prompting flashbacks to the AIDS wards of the 1980s, and while at first, like some others, resistant to drawing comparisons with our experience of AIDS – this time after all world governments acknowledge its existence and are applying resources, something we had to fight hard to get, (no need to remind you i’m sure of the virulent homophobia that erupted) – he too speaks of the grace that will be accessed through this time of trial: “We haven’t yet seen the best our humanity has to offer, It’s coming and you’ll know it when you see it.” https://marksking.com/

One commenter on Myfabulousdisease called COVID-19 “a walk in the park” compared to AIDS. Kevin Jennings on Them.us described the “level of attention and alarm for the coronarvirus versus the apathy that greeted HIV is life a slap in the face.” The New York Times reported that the pandemic is bringing “for HIV survivors, a feeling of weary Deja Vu.” (their caps)

Californian blogger Martina Clark says that compared to HIV, Coronavirus is a “supersonic bullet train” – HIV was for most of the population ‘somebody else’s disease’ but this virus “knows no borders and does not discriminate.” https://martina-clark.com/

Well – fair enough….. however, HIV didn’t infect everybody it could have, AIDS didn’t kill everyone it might have – me for example. The materialist paradigm puts us at war with nature – and this virus is nature, can be seen as nature’s response to the way we are treating the planet – and ultimately therefore at war with ourselves. Fear of death and ignorance of the multidimensional mysteries of the consciousness keep humanity gripped in a three dimensional drama of tragedy and torment. But facing the fear and seeking direct personal knowledge and understanding of our spiritual nature as conscious living beings, are what will reveal the deeper layers of what is going on to us a species and our own individual part within that.

There is no faster way to wake up to the soul

to escape the illusions that humanity has fallen into

and to rebirth yourself as a timeless entity

on a mystery adventure called life

than to face the end, and make it your friend

FOR THERE IS IN FACT NO END

you are eternal – stop fearing death

release each fear with an outbreath.

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EMBRACE LOVE, EMBRACE LIFE

there has never been a more miraculous time to be alive.

The 2020s will be a DIVINE DECADE

Society will shake, there will be plagues and earthquakes

but humanity will finally be more AWAKE.

Interconnectedness plain for all to see

I’m another YOU, and You another ME

the journey we’ve been on is called History

now it’s time to evolve and be free.

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Our species united, through love or through fear

A new way of being together is near

Advanced understanding of our creative gifts

Finding a new divine way to live.

All paths have been leading to this time

All paths become One

Divine Self online.

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Since 2012 as the Mayans said:

the Old World is Dead!

But the new one barely yet born.

Some fear the End and read the signs

but others know there is more to these times:

Ancient hands still guide our way

There will be a brand new day…

Prophecies and predictions have long foretold

of a total break with ways now old:

Since 2012 the light of superconsciousness shines

but is only visible to those with 3 eyes,

Planet Earth has into two divided –

there are some in the light

but most dwell in the lies

espoused by religions, politicians and the unwise.

Everyone can have a voice in the internet age

but those who listen to their own inner sage

are the ones who are really turning the page.

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in this time of trial there are many lessons to be learnt

just as there were in the time of AIDS.

We were vanguards, scouts on the edge

living and dying in the aids pandemic.

For 15+ years our trial did endure

and still there is no vaccine or cure –

we learned about community, compassion and care-giving

we gained insight into mystery

learned about death

also learned a lot about isolation,

learned to be patient as well as kind

for healing and transformation can take time.