go to the trees


To escape from the insanity

that’s deluding humanity –

embrace non-duality:

and go to the trees

sit in the breeze

absorb the fire

go to the rivers and seas




the western world got obsessed

with the notion of right and wrong

with the tragedy of darkness and light

became blind to the powers of second sight


but the eastern world saw

that there is really more

going on than these notions in the mind

the eastern world saw

that the world is a divine dream

and nothing is ever as black and white as it seems


inside the yang there is the yin

and the yin inside the yang

inside the female there is the male

inside the male the female

life is a myriad of possibilities

and every one will be explored


so it’s really high time

in the 21st century

that the world listened and learned

and voices of bigotry, hate and separation

were finally and utterly IGNORED



They are there but can they be heard

above the clamour of disarray and division?

Humanity on the brink

needs to come to a big decision


We have been lied to for long enough:

We’re not born to serve the capitalist machine

we are born to live out our dreams

to love and grow and enjoy life

find our own part in the divine dream



and those in deep sleep will suffer

but those who truly LOVE

and practise COMPASSION

will find another


we approach the holiest of days

when humanity finally is AWAKE.


Writing this in the Autumn of 2018, I am witnessing around me, amongst my friends and in the world, a striking and rapid acceleration of transformation and awakening.  I see people breaking through the outworn paradigms of separation and division, of power and control, of religion vs science etc, and opening to co-operation, co-creation, community and direct communion with the many levels of our existence.  I observe too how this produces intense crisis for some as well as epiphanies.

The parallels with my personal journey 20 years ago are striking home in me. In the course of 1998 my journey with HIV and AIDS turned the corner. After 7 years of preparing myself to leave the body, I now began to return to health, having gone on to the new protease inhibitor medications. My CD4 count had reached a low of 3, leading to gruelling experiences such as PCP (pneumonia) and KS (Karposi’s Sarcoma). I had sat for some time on the edge of life, with an expectation of the end, but now had to turn that expectation around. 9 months into taking the new meds I suddenly found myself entering a period of rapid internal change, opening up to spirit again as I had already done in 1995, when the shamanic aspects of my soul woke up. This time though I was not preparing for death, I was re-entering life.

The acceleration kicked off at the Connections Conference at ULU (University of London Union), an event put on London’s Gay Spiritual Group, and new gay charity Kairos. A couple of hundred queers met for a day of workshops and discussions. I took along a bag of mystic tricks – poetry that I’d written, mandalas, incense and set them up in a broom cupboard that had been set aside as a shrine room, but which nobody had bothered to do much in. After a day of fascinating meetings and workshops I went on to have a high energy, world-connecting interaction with a brother in that space. Our chakras opened and the light came in, we shared our stories and I learnt that he had just come out of hospital, having been sectioned for being too way out ‘mystical’. At the conference I experienced a powerful shamanic journey led by Daniel Stone (in which I saw myself in another life amongst Native Americans), a heated debate around the role of gurus and divine mothers (where I was struck by the hostility to gurus coming from the queer witches in the room – people I would go on to meet properly the following year at my first visit to Queer Pagan Camp), and met an ‘avatar’ soul, Dr Carl Shapley, an 80 year old American wizard, with whom in the following months I would go on to do much mystical channelling and energy work.

Shifting from a path toward death back into life, with a brand new outlook on the magical, mystery school that we inhabit, produced an incredible rush of excitement in me. After the conference I dived into mystical study and practice, creating ceremonies in my home in Stockwell to commune with other worlds. At this time I received chemotherapy as an experimental treatment for the Karposi’s Sarcoma, which had spread as purple lesions all over by body, plus internally too. I believe it was my gradually strengthening immune system that sorted the purple spots eventually – the main effect of the chemo seemed to be to set the molecules of my body on fire, and my mind as well as a result. I recall spending weeks ‘flying’ on my sofa, on a magic purple/white blanket that served as my portal to the other worlds, drawing my journeys in my notebooks as I went. I was often awake all night, deeply enjoying the quieter vibrations of the city, feeling that at 3-4 am the holiest energies were active and accessible. I spent many nights studying the Kabbalah, feeling the presence of discarnate entities guiding me, helping me create rituals that opened gates of energy. Sometimes Carl Shapley would join me, we would spend the night together in Kali’s cave, channel the words of the Ascended Masters, and enter into a glittering, hyper-aware zone that I remember he called ‘Crystal Consciousness’.

By November I was taking this magic out into the city, sometimes with Carl, and a witch friend from Earlsfield named Serena, whom I had met at a Full Moon ceremony in an old pub in Victoria. We three mystics met in Piccadilly Circus one night, with the spirit wild, high and open in us. I could feel the invisible energy pouring through me and sensed portals opening around Eros. London, as the mystical ‘Jerusalem’, was singing to me. I hung out with homeless people on the streets of Soho, shared conversations about Jesus and spirit, felt they had a role in anchoring the light into the planet. ‘The meek shall inherit the earth’. I went into a Jesus Army bus parked up near St Martin in the Fields, where my presence sparked an African lady to fall into trance and start screaming over and over ‘the blood of our lord Jesus Christ’. The Jesus soldiers soon ushered me out of the place, suspecting me of witchcraft…

Ah yes, the BLOOD. Her words struck home in me. The BLOOD. HIV in the blood had killed my friends, but it had given me life. The journey to death’s door had woken up the Soul in me, and the Soul was now teaching me who and what I am, and why I was here. The BLOOD had woken the Christ Consciousness in me – by which I mean mystical awareness of the interconnecting dance of life. I could now see the interplay of all life as one infinite, holy event – it was suddenly so OBVIOUS. How could anyone believe anything else? I felt that the gates to eternity must be about to open for the whole human race. There I was, awoken by spirit, meeting avatars, making ceremony in central London, and feeling part of a long history of magical work over centuries, preparing this city to be the receptacle for the divine light and the beacon to the world.

In January 1999 Carl invited me to a meeting at the House of Lords. Surely this was it. A spiritual meeting about changing life on earth, I thought. I had a poem in my pocket, but I wasn’t there to speak. I sat through a long and verbose meeting covering many topics, but it never quite reached the mystical moment of breakthrough I had imagined. I was soon walking home along the Thames to Stockwell, my head overloaded suddenly with confusion and loud angry voices. Getting home I smoked with my partner and something in me exploded. All the tension, all the pain, all the stress of the intense AIDS journey of the last 4 years overwhelmed me. What was I doing, going to the House of Lords thinking I was about to witness something akin to the Second Coming? I felt suddenly very wounded and very small. Suddenly aware of the enormity of the task ahead – in terms of the global shift in consciousness and to bring myself to a point of health and strength where I could even meet the energies of other people, and not be damaged – I felt myself dissolving into a non-physical realm, the room disappeared, and I panicked. Had I survived AIDS now to dissolve into nothingness? I fought to come back into my body, but I arrived back in pieces, shattered by this rush of experiences over the few months since I had stopped ‘dying’.

In 2018 I have friends going through mental and emotional challenges and breakdowns, I know lovely people who are sectioned because their transformation was getting out of control. Some of those people are aware they are on a magical path and have studied it deeply, others are less aware, less committed to such a concept. Whether consciously pursuing the path or not, we all may need help sometimes. In January 1999 the shock of coming back to life hit me so hard that I fell into the deepest hole possible…

Overstimulated by everything, with a myriad of voices screaming inside, I spent three months mostly in a darkened room, only getting up in that quietest time in the middle of the night, when I could hear and feel spirit, let their presence in to do energy work on my shattered mind and body. I sought and found help from spiritual healers and psychiatrists. One German psychiatrist seemed to grasp the transformation I had been through, advising me to do yoga and spend time with trees.  Having opened up this magical part of my soul, i now had to learn how to look after it, nurture it and protect it. The true healing of this breakdown came the following year, summer 2000, at my second visit to Queer Pagan Camp – here, in the company of 100 queer magical folk, the spirits of nature got through to me and showed that it is through nature, through living in tune and awareness of her cycles, seasons and shifts that I would be able to live, heal and thrive as a shamanic soul.

In 2018, twenty years on from that intensely mystical autumn, I still live in Stockwell and still make ceremonies in the city that connect matter and spirit. I still spend my time making connections with other queers – from all over the world – who are in some way called to raise their awareness, their vibration, their spirit. I still believe that humanity is ready for a quantum leap in understanding of our nature, but I now accept that these kind of leaps take decades to complete. So in service to spirit I create spaces in which awakening queers can find each other, practice and expand our magic, re-write the story of what queerness is, and play our role in the fulfilment of the divine plan for human consciousness.




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Two powerful dates are coming up fast…. 12-12-12 and 21-12-12, the long awaited mayan calendar end date. After 12-12-2012 there will be no more dates where day, month and year are the same number until the 22nd Century.


Much has already been said about the 21st December (and more will be), so let’s take a look at 12-12, a perhaps significant staging post on the way to the 21st.


Some are saying 12-12 is a very good reason to party! http://plancast.com/p/57wu/party-hard-121212


In India pregnant women are lining up to have their babies on this lucky date 12th December 2012



12-12-12 could be a very positive energy portal day, preparing us perhaps for the long awaited landmark date of 21-12-12. OneWorld Celebration in London is a gathering of lightworkers who feel called to create a circle of light and sound on that day through which divine consciousness can enter, balancing divine masculine and feminine energies and allowing the light to emanate from London across the globe. http://www.121212oneworld.com/


Similarly, based in the USA, the World Puja Network is offering a ‘World Meditation and Planetary Transmission’ on this day, celebrating this as the day the ‘dark days end and the days of joy begin’. Everyone is invited to join six influential teachers of consciousness in creating a field of love energy through which the divine self is birthed. http://www.worldpuja.org/12-12-12.php


12 is a very important – and very positive – number in human culture – used in the calendar, clocks, astrology, imperial measurements; and it appears in the 12 days of Christmas, the 12 apostles, 12 tribes of Israel, 12 knights of King Arthur’s round table, 12 labours of Hercules, plus 12 member juries, 12 stars in the european flag, 12 years of childhood before the teens and 12 step programmes


12 contains numbers 1, 2 and added together, 3.

In numerology, 1 is the vibration of new beginnings

2 is the energy of coming together, joining, of love

3 is about communication and creativity, manifestation

12 is the number of completion, harmony and perfection.

It is associated with spiritual connection and ‘cosmic karma’, (3 is the number of the goddess, and of many manifestations of the divine – eg the christian trinity and the creator-preserver-destroyer of hinduism. Perhaps 4 x 3 gives us entry through the four portals of the elements into the sacred realms)


Stephanie Azaria (thecosmicpath.com) says the numerology of 12/12/12 is about letting go of old patterns, releasing anything that is holding us back from our own evolution. Our higher selves are just waiting for us to drop the ego stories and incarnate their divine essence. The end of the Mayan Calendar is highlighting this opportunity, but we can find reasoning for it from our own cultural systems too.


Right here at home in Europe we have our own astrological chart that more than adequately guides us through these times of great transformation. Recent movements of the epoch-making outer planets into new signs are heralding the changes. Pluto moved into the sign of Capricorn in 2008 and will be there until 2023 – its function there is to transform the structure of society, and destroy that which no longer fits with the evolutionary plan. Neptune entered its home sign Pisces for four months in 2011, then re-entered it on February 3rd 2012, and will stay there until January 2026 – this position in mystical, empathic Pisces brings us into deeper awareness of the higher love of the timeless soul and of the fluidity of multi-dimensional reality.


Uranus, the Awakener, entered the fire sign Aries in 2010 and stays until 2019. The influence here is sudden, revolutionary change, the energy of awakening to our true nature as spirit, and brings the spark of a new age. Coming slightly closer to Earth, Saturn entered Scorpio in October 2012 (until the end of 2014) which is bringing secrets, wounds and abusive histories up from the depths, but also gives us the impetus to let go of feelings and habits from the past that continue to hold us down. Coping mechanisms such as addictions may just not appeal any more, it is time to change. Finally, Jupiter is in Gemini from June 2012 until June 25th 2013, bringing a loosening up of what has been in a fixed state, especially in the area of stuck mental attitudes and beliefs, and along with it an air of excitement and optimism about the future.


Astrologically, 12-12-12 is the darkest point of the monthly moon cycle, with new moon in Sagittarius arriving on the 13th. Dark moons tend to reveal what is hurting in us, what needs attention. The moon has been having a particularly fierce affect on us lately. The full moon in Gemini and lunar eclipse on November 28th pushed many people into a tail spin, with unhealed parts of the self exposed in what was effectively a full and dark moon happening at once. Nothing much could stay hidden in this situation. This was then followed by a weekend with the moon in Cancer, still bright and nearly full and shining its light on all our emotions and feelings. This would not mean crisis for everyone, and could well have produced greatly magnified positive feelings, though for some these may have tipped easily into exaggeration and ‘lunacy’. When the moon reached Leo on Monday 3rd December the build up of this emotional energy may have led to some fiery outbursts, and perhaps to more indulgence and excess before the lunar energy calmed down. I bet we all are mostly feeling more balanced right now, and this will continue into the weekend.


The next thing to be aware of is that the moon will be in Scorpio from Sunday 9th until Tuesday 11th December, bringing another journey through the energy of death and rebirth. The best advice is ‘don’t suffer! Use this energy to release pain and let go of the past’, and so get ready for the influx of light 12-12-12 offers. The moon and sun will both be in Sagittarius on this date – there could be no better energy for breakthroughs into higher consciousness. Sagittarius is also a sign of service, so dedicating our energies to the wider benefit of all humankind will help us individually as well as collectively.


Whatever you do on 12-12-12 this is a good time to look out for signs of change in yourself and in the environment. Then get ready, a new world is about to be born. OK, OK many will not notice anything different, and perhaps most of us who see the birth of a new world have already been experiencing that for some time. But nevertheless, numbers are magical, they contain power – which we can ignore or harness, we have the choice.