Excerpts from my first published book….

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AIDS SHAMAN: Queer Spirit Awakening.  Available on, Amazon and other retailers.  Ebook or print.



The gay boys all left for the city

Leaving no-one who sings to the trees

The gay boys all left for the city

And got trapped by desire and disease.

They went to seek out love and sex

But they forgot their other needs.


The gay boys all left the village

And left the wisdom of seasons behind

They chase after constant pleasures

So happy to have found their kind

They chase after so much ecstasy

They believe they are living free

But when we forget the cycles of nature

Mind and body succumb to disease.


The gay boys all left for the city

To get high as the sun and the breeze

But the gay boys became good capitalists

And got caught by desire and disease.

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and the time must come
after all the parties
all the drugs
after the dying years
and a decade of decadence
the time comes, can only come
when the gay phoenix rises
after centuries of death
across the planet
the rainbow serpent
unicorn lion and bear
the return of the shamans
awakening everywhere

in every culture, every race and faith
rainbow children awakening
to the power and the light
liberation of the spirit
free to be ourselves
queer magic calls us to our wealth

earth are we
fire are we
air are we
water are we

beyond gods and without creed
we fulfil a fundamental need
opening the gates as we find our place
the shamans of the human race

the world is lost in delusions
of fame, glamour, money and hate
since the men of war closed the faerie gate

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HIV is the key

That humanity has yet to see

A key that when turned can set us free

A key that gay men urgently need to turn

There’s a vital lesson to be learned

Healing Is Vital

For me HIV was the key

That revealed the spirit flowing through life

That opened the gates to eternity:

Facing mortality is the quickest way to see through life’s illusions

Befriending death the key to escaping confusion

About why we find our selves here

Why we find our selves queer

And just what is Self anyway?

Buddhists, Hindus, Pagans know

Mystical Christians Jews and Muslims know

That this is the real question to ask

But the modern world doesn’t want to know

It keeps us obsessed with the trivial and inane

It prefers to medicate away all pain

Gay life doesn’t want to ask the question

Of why we born this way on this rock hurtling through space

it’s simpler to take more drugs

Have more sex parties

Devour more flesh

Desire more men

For some this leads to addictions and breakdowns

Has a second plague come upon our kind

But this time the sickness in the heart and mind?

In the 80s and 90s we met death up close

We learnt to face our fears

That way some of us saw there’s more to the mystery of life

Than the modern world wants us to believe

Now we take pills to stem the virus

Now we can take one to prevent it getting a hold in the first place

And we self medicate to hold off hard feelings and fears

It’s so long since the dying days ended

What has happened to us in these years?

I survived the first plague

I turned the key

And now I wonder

When will gay life stop living in the shallow end?

HIV points us to the heart of the matter

HIV points us to the heart of the matter

a virus calling us to heal in body, mind and soul.

Healing is Vital, even a virus plays a role

on our human journey to becoming whole.

who are we?  what do we want in our lives?

in what ways can we care for ourselves better?

hiv will make us ask these things

we might learn that our answers, our thinking affects how we feel

we might see that emotional well-being leads to physical health

we might see what is false and what is real

in our lives as we grope forwards in the darkness

not knowing if sickness lurks down the line

not knowing if we’re living on borrowed time

at the same time we’re liberated from fear of infection

bareback sex offers itself from every direction

chem fuelled party life that brings escape from the anguish

and a sense both of brotherhood and release

our unspoken truth that since we are infected and life may be short

we may as well live it to the high vibrational max

glory in our bodies, our shamanic rituals

and the joy we can give or take from each other

whether we are long term or momentary lovers.

It’s hard to be motivated to work for the system

or try to improve life on earth

when you don’t see the point any more

you’ve been told all your life your existence is abhorrent

perhaps you started to believe it?

Society would like us to take the pills and continue to feed the economic dream

but HIV wants to teach us that life is more than it seems

wants us to face our demons, heal our wounds and discover our potential

for the sake of those to come, our success is essential.

If we just take the pills and don’t take the healing journey

we are missing the light within the darkness

and the darkness will eventually swallow us up.

here’s the rub:

HIV is the middle name of GOD


the dancer, the destroyer, the oneness sublime

calling calling to the people of earth

to find his divine presence INSIDE

All life’s crises hold an opportunity

nothing is ever only dark or light

HIV can awaken in us, our spiritual sight.

Gays don’t like religion, thanks goddess for that

we prefer to think for ourselves

and that’s where it’s at

we come out because we touch the truth inside

and that’s where we find our love and our pride

if we learn to listen to the soul, as we did as a child

all the answers we seek are there.

we are not just biology, chemistry, physics

we are mind, emotion and ecstatic spirit

we are air, water, earth and fire

HIV is not the end, it’s a stepladder to a life lived higher

drugs are a shortcut, or a signpost on the way

whether they become our master or we master them

we will have to move on from them one day

once we’ve opened our energy bodies through all that play

we come back to CONSCIOUSNESS as the only WAY.

We can break through all pain and fear

discover there’s so much more to being queer

we’re called gay because our souls were born happy

unconditional engagement with life lived from the heart

we brighten the world when we fulfil our art

of enchantment, love and play

HIV takes us to the heart of the matter

the heart of being gay.