Presenting my first book to the world… available now as ebook, print version coming…  my awakening to the spiritual realms began while sick with AIDS in the 1990s… Here is a collection of my poetry and prose to make you think about the role gay/queer people play in the human story, plus inspiration from queer ancestors, prophets and teachers.

Preview glimpse into the contents…..

HIV was the catalyst that led to my interest in spirituality: the threat of death led me to search for meaning in life. Given a positive diagnosis in 1990, by ’95 I was becoming symptomatic and was considered a PWA (Person With AIDS). I left my job, got my debts written off by telling the bank I was leaving the world, and turned my mind to the big question – why, I asked for the first time in my life, did I exist in the first place? I had held a firmly rational, materialist, atheistic view since the age of 12, but now, at 30, an understandably urgent need for spiritual answers arose in me. I plunged into a study of the worlds’ religions, into pagan magic and new age teachings, soon sensing a mystical core common to all. I began to open my mind and heart to the possibility of something more, to the possibility of a purpose behind our apparently random existence here on planet earth, to the idea of a beneficent divine presence giving rise to that existence.


All life’s crises hold an opportunity

nothing is ever only dark or light

HIV can awaken our spiritual sight.

Gays don’t like religion, thank goddess for that

we prefer to think for ourselves

and that’s where it’s at

we come out because we touch the truth inside

and that’s where we find our love and our pride

if we learn to listen to the soul, as we did as a child

all the answers we seek are there….


Calling to the Witch in every Queer

To the Priestess in every Lesbian

To the Shaman in every Gay barman

The Divine Mother in every Bear

The Abbot in every Faggot

The Deity in every Dyke

The Radical in every Faerie



,,,and the time must come
after all the parties
all the drugs
after the dying years
and a decade of decadence
the time comes, can only come
when the gay phoenix rises
after centuries of death
across the planet
the rainbow serpent
unicorn lion and bear
the return of the shamans
awakening everywhere…..


We’ve been hidden for so long in every race on earth

waiting for the globe to shrink so we can find each other

pathological said the shrinks

sinners said the church

we have to fight for equality

and in ourselves we have to search

for the answers to why we we’re here

for the secrets of being Queer.

This is the calling of the twenty first century queer: to learn to unite the sexual and the spiritual, and find the balancing, healing, role we play in the human family…. to remember, recover and renew our QUEER SPIRIT


Healing Is Vital: World AIDS Day 2016


3000 gay men per year becoming HIV+ in the UK

In a materialist paradigm HIV is a virus to be defeated

In a spiritual worldview it’s a wake-up call




HIV was the catalyst that led to my interest in spirituality: the threat of death led me to search for meaning in life.  Given a positive diagnosis in 1990, by ’95 I was becoming symptomatic and was given an AIDS diagnosis.  I left my job, got my debts written off by telling the bank I was leaving the world, and turned my mind to the big question – why, I asked for the first time in my life, did I exist in the first place?  I had held a firmly rational, atheistic view since the age of 12, but now, at 30, an understandably urgent need for spiritual answers arose in me.  I plunged into a study of the worlds’ religions, into pagan magic and new age teachings, soon sensing a mystical core common to all.  I began to open my mind and heart to the possibility of something more, to a purpose to our apparently random existence, to the idea of a beneficent divine presence giving rise to existence.

I had expected to be miserable about dying but instead I became fascinated and inspired – writing, drawing, living in dreamtime for long periods, surging with energies I had never encountered before, except perhaps on lsd, meeting an overwhelming, feminine, presence of divine love that I came to realise is everywhere all the time, holding us constantly, but which our mental confusion and emotional baggage prevent us from properly knowing.  I took on the notion that I was growing beyond the ego-mind and into the consciousness of the soul, starting to encounter the energy of spirit in all things.  Facing death was the trigger for this journey, which has entirely transformed my life, opening me up to a multidimensional reality in which life is a story of souls finding our way back home.  That HOME is the internal and eternal place of connection, love and peace that is our divine right as human beings – and facing death, overcoming fear of dying, is the fastest way to get there.

HIV pushed me to the point of asking the most important question there is, and it was a catalyst for a rapid spiritual awakening – for an Accelerated Individual Discovery of Self.   By surrendering to the prospect of annihilation I experienced Self beyond the limits of my individuality.  This is what Ayahuasca also does for people, taking them to a place beyond their own ego, beyond identification with the little Self, revealing just how much more to our existence there really is.  Facing death had that effect for me.

Many positive men went through spiritual transformations during the plague years, but most of them took their discoveries and epiphanies with them to spirit.  Only a few people get to experience a journey to the edge of life now thanks to the effectiveness of the medications available, but it does still happen.  Attitudes towards becoming positive have changed so much that today you can administer your own HIV test at home, it is no longer regarded as a terrifying death sentence.  HIV is ‘normalised’ and positive people are expected to take the tablets and continue to go to work and lead normal lives.  But even so HIV is still a huge emotional challenge for anyone becoming positive, it will push many into darkness, fear and depression.  As a survivor of that journey I want my voice to be heard… I am here to say that HIV can still be a catalyst to self-discovery, growth and awakening, even without a trip to death’s edge.  It is still likely to push us to question our lives, attitudes and behaviours. It might push us into explorations of sexual extremes as we lose the fear of becoming infected, discover the thrill of uninhibited bareback sex.  There is a lot of searching going in gay life, but unfortunately little awareness of what we are truly, at the deepest level, searching for.

It took some years before I came across writings that connected gay sexuality with spiritual matters.  But when I found out that the queer folk had been shamans and healers in tribes across the planet through human history a piece of the jigsaw fell into place.  We have also been deeply involved in all the world’s religions, whatever the scriptures might say. Islam was a much gayer religion until recent times. Christian and Buddhist monasteries were always havens for gay men, and convents for women who loved women.  Hinduism is the campest religion on the planet – its colourful deities are known for changing gender and sex was long honoured in Indian tantric temples as a pathway to heavenly experiences (as it had been in the Middle East for millennia until the rise of the patriarchal war god).

What tragedy currently in India that gay men are being persecuted and prosecuted because of laws introduced by the uptight Christian British. There is a long and rich history of connection between same sex erotic love and the sacred around the whole planet going back over 10000 years.  The religious folk of today do not know this, and nor do the vast majority of the gays, lesbians, bisexuals and transsexuals.  Nor do most of us even want to.  Hated and abused by religion, the question of spirit struggles to get a look in the busy, glamorous world of the gay.  However, high levels of addictions, diseases, mental illness, suicides spoil our beautiful, camp or butch façade.  So does the way that queer people are viewed and treated in so much of the world still.  What can we in the comfortable, privileged West do about it?  We can heal ourselves of the wounds inflicted in centuries of spiritual and physical war on our kind and emerge into our power as the true magicians, priest/priestesses, shamans, healers of the human race.  We are coming back into the picture at this time because the world needs us, the planet needs us, to wake up to our power and our purpose.  HIV is a wake up call, as are so many other of life’s challenges… a wake up call to know ourselves, to engage life, more deeply, more consciously, more lovingly.  That kind of engagement will trigger our own personal evolution, and an evolution for gay life.  

Gay liberation has started in the sexual, social and political spheres, but has to go all the way to the spiritual level before lgbtq+ people find their place in the human family.   That prospect is furthered by each individual queer who grows out of mindless, selfish, unconscious behaviours, chooses a path of self-discovery, and finds their own way to be of service to creation, in touch with the holiness of life.  HIV is, for some of us, the kick to start this transformation.


HIV I propose is a call from the soul to seek healing and understanding of who we are, as spirits waking up in the rat race of a blinkered civilisation… waking up to the discovery and formation of a bigger, brighter, braver, and much more conscious, future for gay people and all people on the Earth.  We become positive because nature and the heavens want us to face up to the challenge of facing and knowing ourselves, to wake up to the magnificence and potential of what we really are, to break through the illusions of the materialist world, to break down the walls between death and life, to embrace, that at this point in our lives, HEALING IS VITAL.


HIV comes to ask…

Do you know who you are?

Are you living in the shallows or fulfilling your soul?

Do you have love in your life, are you pursuing a goal?

What is the meaning you give to your life?

Cos you won’t have it forever, get wise.

Are you lost in the mental illusion of lonely isolation?

Healing is Vital, wake up to Creation.


We are not these bodies, we are not our thoughts

We are something eternal, mysterious and bright

The fastest way to wake up to Life

Is to lose the fear of losing your self

Healing is Vital, and Queer is the Way

Don’t get distressed that you are going to die one day

That’s coming to everyone

And life goes on, sings its song

As will you

For it’s to life

That you belong.





world aids day 2015

I was diagnosed HIV+ 25 years ago in September 1990. I had full blown AIDS from 1995-8, my CD4 count dropping to 3 and almost dying from PCP and KS lesions that spread into my lungs and throat. I responded to approaching death by diving deeply into a search for a purpose to life, soon awed by what I found in paganism, buddhism and other paths, I surrendered my atheistic mindset before the great mystery of our incarnation, which our modern secular rationalist materialist culture largely discourages us from probing. I found that the keys to heaven, to liberation and enlightenment are indeed within, though it often takes something as dramatic as a terminal illness, or addiction, to make us turn away from the never ending stream of external stimulation that comes our way and face what is inside us.

HIV lead me to the path of SOUL HEALING, it showed me that HEALING IS VITAL.  Healing involves un-learning the nonsense we have filled our minds with and developing an understanding of ourselves on many levels. There is nothing more fundamental to human life than the search for who we are. Once religion dictated the answers to us and science tends to do the same. Capitalist consumer culture has provided us with the means to easily fill our lives with other fascinations and ignore the question all together. Things are however changing, as more people are taking steps to think for themselves, and are experiencing their spiritual nature through rituals, medicine plants, meditation, yoga, reiki etc. Yet gay life is in another crisis, this time it is an epidemic of irresponsible chemically fuelled sexual behaviours among gay men leading to breakdowns, infections, addictions. Increasing numbers of gay men are pushing themselves to the edge.. an edge not so dissimilar from AIDS, except release through death is less likely and no medication is going to save the day. The reasons for the rapid arrival of this situation are much discussed – but generally the root cause – THAT WE ARE ALL ON A SEARCH FOR THE TRUE SELF, FOR TRANSCENDENT EXPERIENCE THAT GIVES US A TASTE OF THE POTENTIAL IN OUR SOUL – is overlooked. Self-Knowledge is what we all seek, though mostly we have no idea that that is what is going on. Nor do we know that there are easier ways to come to self knowledge. Gay culture could turn this crisis around before it gets out of hand by putting the soul at the centre of things. Now that beautiful gym or yoga sculpted bodies are so prevalent, it is surely time to ask how can we look after our souls better? Because a horny physique .. and a shining soul… is a lot sexier than a hot body with an intoxicated, self-hating, spiritually unaware man inside it.






Physicists say it, mystics have always said it, ravers take drugs to feel it –






Like children we have enjoyed our toys

Unaware for a long time that we were destroying the planet that enables us to live, using up its resources and wiping out many of its inhabitants

Like madmen we have developed technologies that we can use to destroy ourselves



Ignoring the strongest impulse in us –


How many on earth now want to continue to live the old dramas of conflict?

The earth is in crisis. Time is running out

Voices of peace and compassion must become stronger than those of conflict and hate



Gay men shag as the world collapses, unaware that we are the healers, the peacemakers, spiritual-SHAMANIC souls who have evolved beyond religious regulation in order to bring transcendence to the world, and that we are needed for the love, joy, creativity and passion we bring to the planet and because there is power in our love making – spiritual power, that was once honoured and respected by many native peoples the world over, and is still remembered today by some.  We also seem obsessed with our masculinity, though it is from the feminine within us that half of our magic comes.  More attention to our connection to the feminine might help balance the insatiable search for drugged up man-love that so many seem to be stuck in.

Many queer people love to get high, to love intensely, to explore sexual extremes. Our voyages into ecstasy are openings to our spiritual nature, with the potential to reveal to us the multidimensional, vibrational reality we are part of. Because of the attitudes of religion most of us do not choose to explore the spiritual urges we find on our sexually charged, often chemically enhanced bliss trips, but if we look beyond the limited scope of the commercially driven gay scene there is an ever increasing rainbow of avenues for us to explore and express who we are. Gay liberation is only 5 decades old, our collective culture has yet to fully evolve. We are big on passion and play but short on compassion and prayer. But we are a spiritual people, finding our way in a world that has denied us for too long, and our journey of liberation is ongoing.

That world is sick and it needs our healing gifts.

This is the calling of the twenty first century queer: to learn to unite the body and soul, the genders within ourselves, the sexual and the spiritual and find the healing role we are here to play in the human family.